Resume of the Future
TLDR: You should totally hire me.
Objective
As a self-oriented detail starter I seek a dynamic company that can use me, abuse me, because I am not you’re average high school graduate. #nailedit.
Accomplishments
- Made a trick shot video where I threw pennies into toilets at the mall in super hard ways – got like a ton of hits.
- 3K Instagram followers – only been on site for like a year.
- Started the hashtags #putyourbuttonit and #grandmadontcare
- Compiled 500K in virtual currency in NBA 2KLive in one weekend.
- Lead Redditor of /r/gnomesdoingweirdstuff and /r/glittertrivia
- Ran the airbrush stand at the mall for like two years – we had like a ton of celebrities come in there and I hooked them up.
- Built a Minecraft replica of your mom’s house down to every detail (ya burnt).
Technical Skills
- Adobe Acrobat, Microsoft Word. I can guess the Wifi password of most yogurt shops.
- I can get you, like, whatever software you need.
- Super good at googling stuff; I find videos that nobody has even heard of.
Education
- Went to like most of my classes even Ms. Smith she was a total boozer you could smell it
- WOLVERINES RULE
This is an short free excerpt from my book yeah, sure. Check it out on Amazon.
