Resume of the Future

TLDR: You should totally hire me.

Objective

As a self-oriented detail starter I seek a dynamic company that can use me, abuse me, because I am not you’re average high school graduate. #nailedit.

Accomplishments

• Made a trick shot video where I threw pennies into toilets at the mall in super hard ways – got like a ton of hits.
• 3K Instagram followers – only been on site for like a year.
• Started the hashtags #putyourbuttonit and #grandmadontcare
• Compiled 500K in virtual currency in NBA 2KLive in one weekend.
• Lead Redditor of /r/gnomesdoingweirdstuff and /r/glittertrivia
• Ran the airbrush stand at the mall for like two years – we had like a ton of celebrities come in there and I hooked them up.
• Built a Minecraft replica of your mom’s house down to every detail (ya burnt).

Technical Skills

• Adobe Acrobat, Microsoft Word. I can guess the Wifi password of most yogurt shops.
• I can get you, like, whatever software you need.
• Super good at googling stuff; I find videos that nobody has even heard of.

Education

• Went to like most of my classes even Ms. Smith she was a total boozer you could smell it
• WOLVERINES RULE

This is an short free excerpt from my book yeah, sure. Check it out on Amazon.