Resume of the Future

TLDR: You should totally hire me.


As a self-oriented detail starter I seek a dynamic company that can use me, abuse me, because I am not you’re average high school graduate. #nailedit.


  • Made a trick shot video where I threw pennies into toilets at the mall in super hard ways – got like a ton of hits.
  • 3K Instagram followers – only been on site for like a year.
  • Started the hashtags #putyourbuttonit and #grandmadontcare
  • Compiled 500K in virtual currency in NBA 2KLive in one weekend.
  • Lead Redditor of /r/gnomesdoingweirdstuff and /r/glittertrivia
  • Ran the airbrush stand at the mall for like two years – we had like a ton of celebrities come in there and I hooked them up.
  • Built a Minecraft replica of your mom’s house down to every detail (ya burnt).

Technical Skills

  • Adobe Acrobat, Microsoft Word. I can guess the Wifi password of most yogurt shops.
  • I can get you, like, whatever software you need.
  • Super good at googling stuff; I find videos that nobody has even heard of.


  • Went to like most of my classes even Ms. Smith she was a total boozer you could smell it



This is an short free excerpt from my book yeah, sure. Check it out on Amazon.

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